The Blues

No, not the music Blues, but the ones that happen when everything around you seems like it's not going right. 

We are in the middle of looking for a house to rent in the area, and it has been nothing but difficulties and disappointment. We found what seemed to be the perfect house, put in an application, and got the news that the owners had chosen a different application. Now every house we look at the listing for is just a disappointment because that first house was so great, everything else pails in comparison. And if we didn't have Eeva, this would be so much easier because then we wouldn't need a big yard, and wouldn't have to worry about if pets are allowed. But alas, we do, and we aren't about to get rid of her just to find a house. The hard part about house searching is that we won't be moving till mid May, and not many landlords want to hold a house for a month.

On top of house searching, we are in the process of packing to move. And anyone that has packed a house to move knows how frustrating packing can be, especially if you have NO idea where you are moving too.  Eeva seems to get so stressed when I start packing, so that doesn't help anything; she has taken to tearing up boxes and going through our bathroom trash can while we are gone. She hasn't done this before, and it only started a few weeks ago when I started packing. JOY.

And maybe it is a good thing that God hasn't allowed me to get pregnant yet, as all the stress from all this wouldn't be good for the baby. That still doesn't make it any easier though. The desire to have a child grows every day, and the disappointment when I start a new cycle gets more and more each time. It's hard to watch my friends have children and be truly happy for them. And I know, I know, women have been here before; some tried for years and years before they got pregnant. But I'm also sure that they felt the same way I do when they were told "we tired for (insert how long) before we had kids": That's great, but it doesn't make me feel any better right now that I am not pregnant. I'll be honest, every time someone says that to me, I want to tell them that is doesn't make this any less painful, or easy to bear; I want to ask them how they felt every time someone said that to them, and if it made it any easier for them in the waiting. Oh, and let's not forget the ever helpful, "All in God's timing". Yes, I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier! Would you say that to someone who just lost a loved one? No, so why do you say it to someone that is trying to have a child? If that is all you can think to say, one of the two above, just don't say anything. Tell me you are praying for me in this time of waiting and hurt, and actually mean it. Then pray for me; pray for peace, and comfort, and joy in the waiting. Pray for God's wisdom for me.

Yes, I know that God has everything under control, that in His perfect timing, according to His Perfect Will, we will find a house and have a child. I know, and believe, all of this. And I will readily tell you that "Guess it wasn't God's will for us", and "In God's timing it will work out"....doesn't mean that I don't still struggle and want to just give up. I'm human. And Just because I say it doesn't mean that I want to keep hearing it from every direction. Like I just said, tell me your praying for me, or just listen. 

On a brighter, happier, more GLORIOUS, note: This week is the passion week. For those of you that may not know what that means, it is the week that Jesus Christ was hailed as he came into Jerusalem, betrayed, and crucified.  This week culminates on Easter Sunday, the day that Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ of Nazareth,  rose from the grave. How Glorious! To know that He is not dead, but is alive! To know that He took my place and paid the price I could never pay to enter heaven. All the sins of the world, past, present, and future, were laid on Him, the Perfect sinless Son of God, so that we, a lost and dying people, could enter Heaven and be forgiven! How WONDERFUL!!!! 

Happy Wednesday everyone. 
​-Jen