Times are a changing

Well, it's been a while since I have done anything with the business. It never really took off like I had hoped, so I had to go back to working for someone besides myself, and when I did that, I no longer had time to do anything with my personal business. And since that time, we have since moved from Houston to Knoxville, TN and I am once again working for someone besides myself. YUCK. Now, don't get me wrong, my job is kinda the easiest job I have ever had: I am a front desk attendant at a Gym; I greet our members, troubleshoot minor issues with their accounts, ring them up for food purchases, and make smoothies for anyone that would like to pay for one. Not a hard job. It doesn't pay the greatest, but it at least helps with trying to pay off loans and save up for buying a house (hopefully). But it isn't what I had hopped to be doing. On top of that, we added another dog to the mix of craziness June 21st. While she is a good pup, she is just that: a Puppy. It has been an adjustment that's for sure. But the great thing is she has slept through the night since night one and has become a great playmate for our three year old dog. They might drive us crazy daily, but we are so glad we brought her into our lives.

Yet, with all of this business I still feel empty most of the time. We still haven't had kids ( :( that's a post for another day...) so I still have enough freedom to try this thing out, right? I wish that were true, and it may be. I just don't feel like it, especially now that the world has lost their minds over this whole new virus, that will not even get named. Well, let's be honest, did they ever really have it to begin with? Any ways, I digress. With the way the world is going, small businesses are having to shut their doors, and homebased business is a thing of the past unless everyone knows your name and you have a strong online presence. Neither is true for me; I once again am in a new place trying to start over, again, while working full time and having to watch over two very mischievous and rambunctious dogs. I had hoped this business would be my source of income from home so that I could raise my family and keep my house somewhat cleaned and organized. So far, none of that seems to be in my future.  And for full disclosure, I'm struggling in my faith right now. Now, let me clarify: I still FULLY believe that God has my life in His all powerful, loving hands. I also still FULLY believe that everything that is happening right now, that has happened in the past, and everything that will happen in the future is His Sovereign will for my life and is the VERY BEST things for me. I, however, do not always have to like or understand them for them to be the best for me, and that is where I am right now. Not liking or understanding. Asking why, but trusting that He knows best for me. Some days are harder than others to do that. Some days I just want to run away and cry; and on those days I know He sees every tear that falls and knows my pain.  His ways are not always for us to know and understand. Matter of fact, most of the time is it this way; He is God after all. The ONE who was there before it all began; the author of everything, the creator of all. The ONE who knows all time because He predestined it; the ONE who knows all things because He causes them to happen, and no one else. And I'm feeling empty lately not because I don't have children- though that does contribute- and not because my business wont take off- though that does contribute- but primarily because I have not been where I need to be in my walk with Christ. I have wondered off from my God who loves me so much and have sought fulfillment in things of this world (kids, a job, etc.) and they will never fill, and I know that. Some times I just need reminded, and to remind myself.

Mathew 6 is a great chapter, one I need to go read over and over right now. Verse 19 and following say this:
“19)Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust[e] destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20) but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21) For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." A great reminder in times like these. What are you seeking after?